Temptation
by Eric Jablow
Summary: Riley moved to Belize. Fox filmed a television show in Belize. Put them together, and you get this mess. Spoilers for S5 Into the Woods and S5 Triangle.
1. Belize City, Belize

This is another crazy crossover story: BtVS meets Fox Television  
this time. Buffy, Willow, Xander, Anya, Tara, and Riley are the  
possessions of Joss Whedon and Mutent Enemy, Inc. I don't think I  
owe Fox any mention here. Otherwise, this story is copyright  
2001 by Eric Jablow. All Rights Reserved. Oh, and rate it PG-13  
for language. Spoilers for Into the Woods and Triangle. Some  
Riley-bashing.  
  
Two men walked out of the city hospital; the man in the lead was  
red with anger, and the one behind looked like he just wanted to  
duck.  
  
"God damn it, Fisher! Our chief hunk didn't pay attention to the  
rules, had some of the local water, and now he won't be out of  
the hospital for a week!"  
  
"Boss, he'll be okay."  
  
"He'll be okay! He'll be okay? I'm not okay. We film tomorrow,  
and we're missing our chief stud! Dammit, we've got a show to put  
on. Find somebody, and fast, or I'm sending you back to the  
States in a rowboat!"  
  
"Yes, Boss. I'll find somebody. You can count on me."  
  
"A friggin' canoe!"  
  
Fisher turned and walked up the street toward the city  
center. "Damn reality TV," he thought. A couple of blocks later,  
out of sight of the hospital and his boss, he found a bar. "Too  
bad I can't get drunk." He went in and bought a beer.  
  
Fisher had been nursing his beer for a half-hour when he heard a  
man order two beers from the bartender in loud, broken  
Spanish. He looked up; there were a tall, pale man and a  
average-sized, darker man. Both were obviously fit, and both were  
obviously American. Only an American would think that volume was  
a universal translator.  
  
He looked a bit more. Neither wore a wedding or engagement ring,  
and neither had a briefcase or any other signs of a  
job. Tourists. Perfect. And the girls always go for the tall  
ones.  
  
He took out his business card and walked over to them.  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
"Yes?" The taller man had a flat, midwestern, accent.  
  
"Look, I'm an assistant producer for a new American television  
show, and I'm in a bit of trouble here. One of our performers got  
sick, and I'm looking for a replacement."  
  
"What sort of show?" The other man had a Southern accent.  
  
"It's a new Fox show; It's a little like the opposite of "The  
Dating Game". We've brought a few dating couples down here, and a  
few singles, we give the couples a chance to see whether they  
really want to stay together."  
  
"Typical Fox fertilizer." The tall guy again.  
  
"Hey--you're the one who came down here to forget his last  
girlfriend."  
  
"Yes, I did, didn't I?"  
  
"So, are the two of you interested?"  
  
"How long do you need us, and how much are you paying?" The  
Southerner again.  
  
"Just a couple of days. And, ten thousand apiece. Possibly a  
bonus if you and the others click."  
  
"Well, G?"  
  
"Why not, R.?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"By the way, what are your names?"  
  
"He's Graham, and call me Riley." 


	2. Casa Xander, Sunnydale

The magic shop was still closed for repair, and Xander had  
invited his construction team over for an evening of pizza, light  
talk, and videos.  
  
"I can't believe Giles made me carry everything by hand," said  
Willow.  
  
"I think it's a matter of discipline. Or possibly penance," said  
Tara.  
  
"Penance!"  
  
"Yes, penance. That was all your fault, you know."  
  
"Anya, you're--" Xander looked at Anya. "Right, of course."  
  
"Don't you forget it."  
  
Buffy started giggling. "I'll get the plates."  
  
They sprawled around the television set, snarfing their pizza and  
carbonated beverages. Xander and Anya held a tug-o'war over the  
remote, Tara was rubbing Willow's shoulders, an act coming  
dangerously close to foreplay, and Buffy was juggling her  
stakes. Then, Xander grabbed the remote and jabbed at the  
television set.  
  
"What's on tonight?"  
  
"Well, we have the latest Jackie Chan tape, but I think I'll go  
through the stations first. South Park is on later."  
  
"Lame-O!"  
  
Xander flicked through the stations. "College basketball? Ice  
hockey? Jazz? Indian musicals?"  
  
"I'll take Indian musicals for $100, Alex," said Buffy.  
  
"Not tonight, and don't call me Alex."  
  
"It's okay, Xander. I'll tell you that story later, Buffy," said  
Willow.  
  
Xander continued to flick through the stations.  
  
"What's that?" asked Anya.  
  
Tara looked at the newspaper listing. "That's the new Fox  
garbage, Temptation Island."  
  
"I have got to see this so I know what to laugh at," said Buffy.  
  
"They got a bunch of dating couples, and they put them on an  
island with some singles to see whether they can break the  
couples up."  
  
They heard Anya yell. "Wretched lunatics! If I still had my  
powers, I'd smite the ones who thought this up. I'd cover them in  
boils. I'd make their private parts turn black. And short. I'd  
twist their intestines. Promoting adultery. I'd kill them!"  
  
"The couples aren't married yet, Anya."  
  
"Willow, do you think that matters? If you tried to break up  
Xander and me, I'd scratch your eyes out."  
  
"And I'd deserve it, too. Especially after--" Tara hugged Willow  
in an attempt to distract her.  
  
"Anya, this is Fox Television. No one on their shows deserves any  
consideration at all," said Buffy.  
  
Anya sounded miffed. "Perhaps you're right. But the idea makes me  
want to puke."  
  
"Me too, Anya. Love is too important to be played with on  
television," said Xander. They sat back and watched the opening  
of the show for a few minutes. Anya called out, "Bored now," and  
Xander was about to change the station, but Buffy grabbed his  
arm.  
  
Xander turned to look at Buffy, only to see her choking with  
rage. "What is it, Buffy?" All Buffy could do was to point at the  
screen. Xander and the rest turned back to the set, and Xander's  
jaw dropped. Willow made an Eep noise. Tara said, "I didn't  
expect that." And Anya and Buffy looked at each other and said in  
unison, "He's dead."  
  
"Buff, Anya, if he ever comes back to Sunnydale, I'll kill him  
myself. He'll get the Jimmy Hoffa treatment. That bastard!"  
  
And on the television screen, Riley turned to his date for the  
evening, and they got up to dance. 


End file.
